10 things I learned in my first year as a mother

During the first year as a mum I've learned a thing or two - this is my list of the top ten most surprising and funny things I've learned through motherhood.

This is my newborn baby - about 5 minutes old.

1. Silence is not golden. It means you better get there real quick as your baby is doing something they should not be doing.
2. Babies are suicidal. So if it is quiet you can be damn sure they are doing something inherently dangerous. 
3. No means... nothing. Come to think of it, not much you say means anything to them. No. Mine. Don't. You might as well give in. 
4. Babies love to play with smart phones and they also know that toy phones are not real. I've heard the tip about giving them their own set of keys or phones so they stay away from yours. Well. It doesn't work. They know. So good bye mummy's iPhone, good bye forever. We had fun while it lasted.
5. Babies are soft and sweet and delicate, and hit really hard. Mostly your head, and while holding your very hard and pointy phone in their hitting hand.
6. Sleeping later than 6AM is considered a lie-in. Sigh. 
7. Peppa Pig is highly entertaining. Even adults enjoy it after they have been up since 4AM.
8. A sleeping baby is not disturbed by sudden loud piercing noices (think fire alarm) but will jump up if you dare to make a little peep next to them (think opening a packet of crisps).  
9. Fluff is the most delicious thing babies could ever think of. It is everywhere and especially their mouth. 
10. Removing said fluff is hazardous. Tiny little razor sharp teeth meet a soft squishy finger - ouch!

Here she is 1 year and a few hours old.

Oh just look at those two pictures of my little darling who has taught me so much - my gosh what a difference a year makes. The pictures are about a year and two hours apart...

And one extra thing I learned...

11. Poo can be explosive. Who would have known? Unfortunately we had one of those newborn parent moments where we had to wash the walls and the floor after one particularly bad episode. Shudder.

What things did you learn in your first year as parents?

You might also like: Did becoming a mother change me at all? and Thoughts about motherhood on my third Mother's Day